JUGGLING THE ART OF MOTHERHOOD
I have officially become a #bossmom!
Well . . . that’s what I thought I was going to be saying by now. Those ladies are the words I thought would be saying to everyone when they ask me how life is with a baby. Oh, how I was wrong. So wrong. I honestly thought I will be the THAT mom. The one who could do it all. I mean, I am sure we all thought we could juggle motherhood and career, but reality came and settled in quick.
Now I’m sure there are some of you out there bossin’ it up, but I quickly found out any mom out there who’s both a stay at home mom and working/running a company either has A) a team of grandparents to help or B) full-time nannies. For whatever reason, I thought I could do it all myself.
But there I was, a few months ago, trying to figure out the formula to do it all - juggle the full-time job of taking care of my few months old baby boy and start my another fashion company.
I knew it would be a lot of work, but I knew I could do it. I mean, I had started 4 other companies and cared for babies at the same time. I mean, I can count my partner and employees as a baby right?
Kidding aside, I did bring my baby niece into my office and meeting as my sister worked a corporate job.
So in I dove, naive of how hard it truly is to launch Boonzie and take care of my little boonzie.
Weeks went by, then a month, then two months, and what did I have to show? Before having my son, those few months would have been enough time to design my bags, have the samples made, orders in, and shifting into full production.
This time around, I had hardly got the first draft of my designs done. But starting to work again was actually as much therapeutic as it was making money.
Struggling with postnatal depression I felt like a zombie. I didn’t have any interest or energy to do anything besides feeding my son and putting him to sleep. But that’s only the beginning.
One moment I felt like completely lifeless, the next moment, I would feel my entire existence consumed by anxiety and visions (hallucinations?) of dropping my son. My anxiety level was so high that I constantly thought “am I fit to be a mother.” Honestly, there are still days that I still feel this way.
With everything that was going on as a mother complied by major sleep deprivation, my body felt foreign to me and every day I felt like I was taking a step back instead of forward. Soon enough though, I began my crawl from the deep sea trenches of postnatal depression.
I mean I wouldn’t say that I am fully out of the ‘postnatal depression phase’ but I can tell that I have come a long way from how I was feeling just a few months ago. So many mama’s out there that are going through postnatal depression I suggest that you start or force your self to do what you loved pre-baby just to get things moving. For me working was my comfort zone.
When I started to work again, I could feel the excitement but at the same time, it was foreign. After Nolan I feel like everything I do is just different. They say that a baby changes you, but they should actually say that a baby changes EVERYTHING THAT YOU DO!
It was like learning to ride a bike all over again . . . but the bike is a unicycle and who the hell rides those. It took me a few days of testing the water. Days where I would just sit and stare at my screen not knowing where to start or what to do.
But I knew I had to push through to get familiar again with my work. Once I started to get my work groove on then there was another huge learning curve I hit. Like damn, this mommy life is crazy. How do we even do it ladies?